Resolving past trauma is a monumental achievement, but what happens next? This article is for both those who are working hard on resolving their trauma and those who have already reached that milestone. You might be diligently focusing on healing, unaware that an unexpected emptiness could follow, catching you completely off guard. If you’ve worked through your trauma or are in the process, and you’re curious about what lies ahead, this article will help you navigate the potential feelings of being lost and guide you toward creating a compelling future self.
The Unexpected Danger of Arriving at ‘Clear’
As you probably already know, working through trauma can feel like an uphill battle. For those dealing with PTSD, complex PTSD, and their symptoms—including depression, nightmares, flashbacks, dissociation and anger—the journey can be even more challenging. The intense focus on resolving past issues often leaves little room for envisioning the future. The danger lies in arriving at a point where you have no more past trauma to resolve, yet no appealing future vision to pursue. This can leave you feeling lost and empty, despite the significant progress you’ve made.
The Potential Emptiness of a Trauma-Free Life
It’s a little-known fact, yet it happens to a lot of people: they resolve their past, whether through therapy, spirituality, or other means, only to face a puzzling problem—they find themselves without any appealing future goals. All their life, they thought, “If only I could get rid of/overcome/not be affected by…” whatever happened to them. They were so focused on the past that they never had time or energy to focus on their ‘after-the-trauma self’. This empty state arises because their previous desires, driven by trauma, have dissipated, and the new ones have not yet formed.
The Crossroads: Where do I Go from here?
Let’s look at some typical examples. Consider someone who experienced trauma growing up in a dysfunctional family, where they were exposed to arguments, fights, physical violence, substance abuse or possibly parents getting divorced. They might have dreamed of building a loving family for themselves. But once the trauma is resolved, the appeal of that dream, whether they achieved it or not, may fade. The same goes for someone driven by poverty who was driven to build a successful business and become financially independent – once the trauma is resolved, they might find themselves content with less, no longer having any desire to grow their company. These people often find themselves at a crossroads, their previous desires gone, and nothing new to replace them.
Searching for Meaning: Why Keep Living?
At this point, you might think you should be happy, free from the burden of past issues, but instead, you find yourself searching for meaning in your continual existence. The question “What now?” becomes pressing. Many turn to life coaches or spiritual gurus to figure out what’s next, hoping to receive some guidance as to what direction their life should take from now on. However, what we all end up finding is centuries-old wisdom: the true answers lie within us and not outside in the external world.
The Hardest Question: ‘Who Am I Inside?’
Thus, we arrive at the hardest question to answer: “Who am I inside?” It’s not about external identities—a parent, a child, a working professional, a business owner —but about your internal self. “Who am I becoming?” is, actually, a more precise way to formulate this question because we are all in a process of development. We often spend time trying various meditative practices in order to look inside and dedicate time to be alone, hoping the answers will emerge, but many of us still struggle with this.
We are searching for our own individual identity. In the past, our identity used to be formed by all the external roles we used to play, but now it appears to have been erased or at least made unattractive. Paradoxically, to find the answer to “Who am I?’, we might need to examine the past that we were in such a hurry to discard and move on from – as it can offer some valuable clues!
Rising Above Duality
As you might already know, experiencing trauma creates a duality—desiring the opposite of what hurt you. When the trauma gets resolved, the resulting dualities cancel each other out. When the dualities created by trauma get resolved, you may find yourself ‘in the middle’ – but it feels like it is in the middle of nowhere. “What do I want now?” becomes the question, which is an absolutely normal step on your life’s journey. In order to progress, as your next step, you need to rise above the duality of ‘right and wrong’ and see your past events as purposeful and not a senseless mistake.
Part of a Growing, Developing Collective
Your original trauma caused you pain and you have labelled it as ‘wrong’ and reached for the opposite of it. Once you rise above the duality of ‘right and wrong’ and look at the events again, you will be able to develop a different perspective. However, as long as you the events of your life as fundamentally wrong, as long as you see your life as an isolated life, you will be stuck. Coming to the realization that yours is not an isolated story – you are part of moving, living, developing collective – is a way to free yourself from your current state. You experienced what you experienced for a reason, and it is up to you to make a choice – to choose a direction, choose who you are becoming and which way you are leading the rest of the collective.
Healing isn’t about going back to zero, as if trauma never happened – that would be completely meaningless! Healing is about change, it’s about growth and transformation. So, ask yourself, “How am I going to change? Who will I become?” Once you are able to see yourself as part of a growing, developing collective, you will be able to find answers to your hardest questions.
Thinking in Bigger Terms
If you feel lost, not knowing which direction to go in, realize that it is perfectly okay and that it’s likely because you haven’t yet thought in large enough terms. When we are caught in dealing with our own trauma, we ‘cannot see the forest behind the trees’. In other words, it will take you time to develop the ability to see the bigger picture. The ultimate question is about you healing and changing and about your contribution to the collective future of all of us.
The question never was and will never be just about healing – this would result in a zero change. The question is about change. How are you going to change? From what you are now, from where you are now, who will you become? You are growing and developing as an individual and that individual will exist and contribute as part of the collective.
What is your Vision for the Collective?
What is your vision for yourself and the collective? These are the questions to ask yourself while looking at your past trauma, whether you have it already resolved or not. These are the questions about the future – true future, not 10-20 years from now, but the ultimate future of all of us. Seeing yourself as part of a growing and developing collective is an important step to take and the one that will help you begin answering the question about your own future goals.
Conclusion
Reaching a state of being trauma-free is a commendable accomplishment, yet it often leads to an unexpected void. This is a pivotal moment for you to redefine your purpose and envision a future that excites and fulfills you. Remember, the resolution of your past is not the end but a significant milestone that propels you toward a more profound journey of self-discovery and growth. By rising above the dualities created by trauma and recognizing the purposeful nature of your experiences, you can transform your perspective and unlock a new dimension of personal and collective potential.
As you stand at this crossroads, take this opportunity to introspect and redefine who you are becoming. Embrace the process of change and growth, not merely as an individual but as a part of a larger, evolving collective. Your unique experiences and insights contribute to the collective future of humanity. By thinking in broader terms and aligning your personal goals with a vision for the collective, you can find deeper meaning and direction. Your journey of healing is an ongoing process of transformation, leading you to a future filled with purpose, connection, and fulfillment.
